What do you think about memorializing people on Facebook, Twitter, etc. (See related post in Current Events about W&J student-athlete Tim McNerney's murder last week).
Death: digital scrapbooks
1. www.123456789.net,
2.www.forevernetwork.com
3. www.memorymountain.com
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ReplyDeleteI would put this at the discretion of the family. I would certainly not want to be memorialized on FB or twitter (don't have one and no idea how it works). I would certainly use FB to notify people of where services would take place, but I would not use it for anything else. Too many people use these to update what they are doing, where they are, and why they are doing it. Honestly I do not care about what other people are doing throughout the day. I use FB as a tool to keep in touch with out of town friends. I would never use this to memorialize a death of the family and certainly not a murder. To me it seems more like a mockery. FB and twitter are social networks, not the obituary section of the paper. I certainly do not think it is a bad thing when people post things like, RIP grandpa or something of that nature. But I would certainly not go as far as memorializing someone on any social network.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely I had a very close friend commit suicide in high school and his facebook still exists. It is both unnerving and I believe inappropriate. I know the reason it still exists is because they don't know the password to close it but there should be some kind of loop hole for these media sites to allow the family to take them down.
DeleteI agree with you, Jeremie, in the sense that it should be up to the family's discretion but in the same sentence I disagree. Having just gone through a comparable situation to the examples listed above, I can say that I have personally benefitted (as well as MANY others that were also directly affected by the same situation) from having the individual's Facebook page kept open. Dealing with a death of any kind is difficult and to have an outlet to remember the individual and everything that made them tick makes the process a whole lot more manageable. While I understand where you're coming from I simply have to disagree. While the social networking account should not be kept open over a very long period of time, I still believe that the words of support and comfort posted by other people helps the family of the victim - it is a more accessible way to send condolences and memories.
DeleteFor a society so focused on living and making the most of the life worth living, it is a comforting fact for many, I'm sure, to be immortalized in a way. This, in extension, would make the facing of the actual event of death a little bit easier.
Do you see where I'm coming from? I find this in no way "inappropriate."
A lot of times the families of teens who pass away will post things on facebook about whether or not they want friends of the person to post on their wall. I know most families have a preference about what they would like. The parents of a friend of mine who passed away posted a long status on facebook about how they would prefer for friends to attend the funeral because they do not want the constant reminders of the death from facebook. In this case I think respect should be given to the family in regards to their wishes.
DeleteI agree with Jeramie. I think it should be left up to the family whether or not they want anything put on Facebook or Twitter. I also agree that anything that is put on Facebook or Twitter should pertain only to the Services, like the time and location. People are on Facebook and Twitter 24/7 talking about pointless things that many people do not care about. Personally, I don't think Facebook is the place to memorialize about someone's death, let alone a murder. I wouldn't want to be memorialized on Facebook or Twitter. I don't want information on Facebook or Twitter about me, or anyone in my family, if something were to happen. People can read about that in the newspaper and if it was someone in my family, or me, then other people could find out through phone calls; not from some social network.
ReplyDeleteAlso, a lot of things on Facebook and Twitter are just rumors and it starts a lot of drama. I definitely wouldn't want to take the chance of something like that being put on Facebook or Twitter and people saying negative comments or stuff like that. But I don't understand why anyone would ever even want to put something about a murder on a social network. That makes absolutely no sense at all!
Like Jeramie said, R.I.P. Grandma/Grandpa or something like that is perfectly fine, but to memorialize someone's death or a murder I don't think is right.
I agree with Jeramie (we agree about everything), that updates on memorial services and what not are fine. I do not think that using social media to memorialize someone is something I agree with, mainly because I would not want that to happen to me. I believe that some things should be kept private and within the family and friends and quite honestly I think taking it to social media is just for attention. I do not intend to sound disrespectful or anything but it reminds me of people posting religious stuff on Twitter. Now I'm not saying its all bad trust me, but when I see everyday "Thanking God for another day" and "so blessed for waking up this morning" and stuff on Twitter,the way I look at it is, "I'm going to post stuff on Twitter so people see how "religious" I am." Notice the religious part being in quotes. I know this is sort of off topic but I just think stuff like that is not necessary on social media because just because you say it does not mean you lead a life centered around religion or live a good life, you just want to give off the impression you do (plus God doesn't even have a Twitter). This relates to memorializing on social media in that people say certain things and get so involved in that, just to show how much they "care" about that individual. In all honesty I would never expect the people that I KNOW care about me to post things about my death,life,etc. on facebook or twitter upon my passing. That leaves opportunity for information to get mixed up and what not. Point is, if someone cares about me, they can express themselves in other ways than on Twitter, Facebook and so on.
ReplyDeleteI think the only time I would be okay with seeing a memorial page (other than updates on memorial services) is when it raises awareness about a certain issue. For example, I think it would be acceptable to make a memorial page about someone who died of Alzheimer's if the main purpose was to raise awareness about Alzheimer's (or cancer, or heart disease, etc.)
ReplyDeleteI am going to have to agree with Dalton that many people use social media just for attention. They want to seem like they were closer to the deceased than they really were just so people can tell them how sorry they are. This is certainly not true in all cases, but I have seen it several times and I do not think it is an appropriate way to use social media.
So, in conclusion, I personally would not want a family member or friend to create a memorial page for me unless I died of a disease that they would like to raise awareness about.
I agree with megan that a memorial page can be used to raise awareness about a certain issue, but I also think that it could be used for more. The hard truth is that we are moving forward with technology, though that's not necessarily a bad thing. Not everyone is able to come to services, though they may still want to talk about a loved one. A memorial page almost acts as a digital wake. Granted, I think the content on these pages should be controlled, but a social network allows for people to be able to share there thoughts and feelings about the deceased at any time. As for people using it to get attention, there will always be those who are selfish in their intentions but I don't think this should detract from those who genuinely care. People should have the right to cope in a variety of ways, even if they're not traditional.
ReplyDelete(By having a memorialization on Facebook, you force some people to look at their own mortality. Most people our age feel invincible, but by seeing that one of their peers has died, they may look again at the reality of their own death. This can be a positive influence for many.)
This issue actually just happened a bit ago. A local boy in my small hometown died in a horrible car accident. He was 16 I believe. A memorial page popped up in my facebook feed.
ReplyDeleteUsing social pages as memorial pages are not necessarily a bad thing. They allow friends, family, and friends to post condolences to family and close friends, to discuss happier moments, and a chance to express grief. They may be a little tacky, but as the years go on, who knows? Web-cam funerals might become the norm.
I think the page should be monitored by family only, but you can't really stop someone else from making a memorial page. If you are tech savvy, you can get the page taken down, but if you are an elder adult who doesn't know how to navigate facebook, you may never be aware the page exists. The important thing is that the page needs to be monitored. Things can quickly get out of hand--someone may be picked on online, blamed for the death, or those who disliked the individual may not post respectfully at all. Also, the page should be closed down after an appropriate time. Personal opinion, it's morbid to see that a top friend is a death person. But it allows closure as well, especially to whoever created the page. It's like saying "My grief is resolved, I don't need this anymore."
I agree with Megan that memorials should be used to raise awareness. Memorials for the sake of memorials, to say "I'm a better friend so I made this memorial page to prove I am a better friend! So pity me!" are childish and unhelpful. A single, dedicated, professional page is better.
Memorializing someone on twitter or Facebook especially right after their death puts that person on the same level as weekend plans or daily gossip. Therefore, to me making a memorial to someone on facebook or twitter is not a form of respect, but of mockery.
ReplyDeleteA way for people to be respectful of the dead on a social network is too commenorate the anniversary of a person's death. This kind of remembrance allows the deceased family to know that you are thinking of them and their loss and it also reminds others of the tragic events that have befallen their friends.
I am for memorializing people on Facebook or any other site. I think that it is important for the person to recognized via about their life like their obituary and service times. This does not pertain to Tim McNerny, but when my grandmother passed we put her obituary on Facebook and her Facebook that she used is actually still active. Every not and then I go to her page and say something on there because I sincerely miss her. It is just good to have it there that way I can share my feelings.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what everyone is saying. My best friend passed away my senior year of high school and it was nice to be able to go and look at her Facebook page. It was nice seeing the nice things people had to say about her, and seeing that people were thinking about and missing her. Being a few years ago, it is nice to be able to go back and look at the funny pictures we all took and it brings back good memories.
ReplyDeleteComing from a totally different generation, I think it is disrespectful to use social media outlets for this type of thing. I think people sometimes don't take the time to realize what potentially harmful things can come out of such avenues of discussion. I believe if you really want to show concern for the deceased's family, take the time and effort to make a personal call or visit or email (if you have to) and connect on a deeper level. Social media has taken the place of many personal and more intimate connections where people actually talk to one another or spend time together. This is one specific time when the effort needs to be made.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't see where the problem is. I'm not sure why people would consider a memorial page tacky. When tragedy strikes, humans form support groups, they let those lost be remembered anyway they can. My hometown has a locally owned car-wash that changes its sign on special occasions. On 9-11 anniversaries,Veterans Day, etc they put up an in memory of those lost. Is this wrong as well? Certainly we have better ways of remembrance than resorting to a car-wash sign. I don't think anything is wrong with a car-wash sign honoring an event. If the owner wants to make a sign, let him make a sign
ReplyDeleteFacebook, in my opinion, is a perfectly resonable way to remember someone. It can be updated by everyone that the deceased touched and they can contribute in their own special way. They can post a song they shared, or a funny quote form the deceased, around the holidays people can wish them Merry Christmas, etc. No other media can imitate that.
Ethan Boesch was a very well liked individual in my high school that tragically took his own life in 2009. I think you can view his page here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/164955549699/
Im not sure if you have to join the group in order to see the page, but people still update the wall whenever they think of Ethan. And I think it's touching to see all the lives Ethan touched.
I think that social media has a bad rap these days. However I think that spreading the news that someone has died or is seriously ill on facebook is a good idea. Our world is becoming more and more involved with technology and social media. One of the guys that I grew up with accidentally killed himself trying to jump from balcony to balcony while on spring break my senior year of high school. He had division 1 scholarships for football. His facebook was full of people expressing their condolences towards his death, even football players from schools he was being recruited by. The social networks are just beneficial to spreading the news and helping people from all over the country to mourn and grieve.
ReplyDeletefrom Brandon
ReplyDeleteTo add on to what Jeramie is saying, you would also have to deal with comments being left by other people that may not be a good thing. There are many creeps and weirdos out on social media networks. I would say that only use social media to INTERACT AND COMMUNICATE with others and whats going on, not to host a memorialization. I feel that who ever tries to host a memorial on any social network is a fool. Really? thats how your going to honor your loved one is over social networks.
If thats the case, i would make money off of having a memorial hosting page on all the networks including Facebook. Keep that private thats YOUR family crisis nobody elses. Honor it!
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ReplyDeleteI agree with bits and pieces of things that have been mentioned. I believe that if a person wants a digital legacy of some kind, they have every right to have it. That person could arrange that somehow before he or she died if they wanted to. If the family thought that the person would like it, they could arrange it after a death as well. This being said, I personally reject any form of social media. I consider it a voluntary sacrifice of privacy. This blog is further than I would have gone if it were not required for class. I would definitely not want an online memorial for myself or any member of my family.I agree with Brandon, I would want the crisis to be kept private and within my family. Not broadcasted over the internet. But like I said before, if someone wants to be remembered over the internet, that is their business and is no concern of mine.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I agree with a couple different people on different things. I agree with Jeramie in the fact that it is up to the family discretion. I had a friend who passed away almost two year ago in January, Brenda Shuey. Her son made a memorial facebook page in her honor, “Remembering Brenda Shuey.” There were several of my friends who were really close to Brenda as well and liked the page. It was an emotional realization to have close friends of Brenda's along with all of her family to comment about past memories and the good times that were had with Brenda. Some even posted pictures of Brenda when she was younger, which were awesome to see. I also agree with Amanda when stating that it is nice to go back and read all the different memories and experiences that other had. I know Brenda's father still posts almost daily on this memorial. It is a way for him to deal with the grief of losing his daughter. I believe that having a memorial page for someone can be beneficial to all those who were closest to them. It is a way to help with the grieving process by remembering old times and actually smiling through the sadness. I do not believe, however, that Joe Smoe who didn't even know the person should have the right to dedicate a memorial page to someone. I believe it is more meaningful and acceptable when a memorial page is made out of the love of friends and families.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tom here. People form social and support groups in times of tragedy and trouble. With that said, I do not see an issue with memorializing people through social networks. We can assume that this is probably not the only way that an individual is going to be remembered anyways. The newspaper does this with its obituary section, and a funeral will occur in some form as well. There are a multiplicity of ways to memorialize someone, and social networks can certainly be a part of that.
ReplyDeleteI think it can be good but it can also be taken too far. I had a friend who passed away unexpectedly in high school and his dad made a facebook page and it makes me feel uncomfortable because it almost has become an obsession rather than a memorial page. I think it can be a good thing but people should be careful not to take it too far.
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